Osti de pays de gitans!

Albane et Marc Bolivie

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Les voyages sont souvent empreints de rencontres marquantes, bouleversantes… qui nous changent pour la vie. Sans prétention, nous croyons que c’est ce qui s’est passé quand Marc et Albane nous ont rencontrés. Sans blagues, c’est à croire que c’était la première fois qu’ils voyaient, mais surtout entendaient des Québécois.

« Non mais sérieusement, il est trop ridicule votre accent de merde » – Albane Théodule, Cafayate, 2016

Nous faire ramasser de même [rentrer dedans] par une française sur la brosse [en état d’ivresse] aurait dû nous refroidir un peu, mais en même temps, on n’est pas pour tomber en bas de notre chaise [être trop surpris] si un français est chiant… Au final, ils ont dû un peu s’attacher à notre « dialecte » (notez ici l’ironie) puisqu’ils nous ont suppliés d’écrire un article pour leur fameux blog. (NDLR : la mythomanie dont font preuve ici les québécois ne parvient malheureusement pas à cacher leur égocentrisme)

Ainsi donc, comme vous l’avez sans doute deviné, nous sommes les deux québécois aka Cédrik et Antoine. N’ayant ni les moyens ni la prétention d’effectuer un tour du monde, notre voyage se limite à l’Amérique du Sud et aura débuté au Brésil, pour faire le party [la teuf] au carnaval de Rio, puis s’est poursuivi en Argentine où nous avons fait la connaissance de Marc et Albane. Cette soirée mémorable dont certaines parties furent ironiquement inoubliées ainsi que quelques autres rencontres nous amèneront à passer le mois d’avril avec eux, en Bolivie, le dit pays de gitans.

Bolivie.png-3
Salar d’Uyuni

Notre aventure en sol bolivien débuta à Tupiza, où nous fûmes heureux de pouvoir profiter de l’expérience d’Albane en matière de négociation en espagnol. Elle n’y est pas allée avec le dos de la main morte, comme on dit par chez nous, pour finalement nous obtenir une expédition de quatre jours dans le Sud Lipez jusqu’au Salar d’Uyuni (désert de sel) et le tout pour le prix le plus bas autorisé par le cartel d’agences de tourisme de la région. Nos deux français ayant toutefois préféré la compagnie de Zoline dans leur char [voiture] (une Allemande étant le portrait tout craché de la sœur d’Albane), nous avons dû nous contenter de l’énigme des nains À Marc afin de nous occuper durant le trajet…

Le Sud Lipez
Le Sud Lipez

En terminant, nous avons mis le cap sur Potosi, une ville de plus de 100 000 habitants, reconnue pour être la plus haute en altitude au monde. C’est là que le groupe fut introduit aux coutumes boliviennes de consommation d’alcool… En effet, la dualidad (dualité) exprimée par nos deux jambes, nos deux bras et nos deux couilles nous oblige à prendre les bières à coup de deux… ce qui n’était évidemment pas un problème pour nous. On devait également se faire un devoir dans ce pays de verser la première gorgée de son verre sur le sol, pour la Pachamama (Terre-mère). Le « sacrifice » qui nous faisait d’abord mal au cœur nous parut toutefois bien petit quand on entendit que certaines allaient jusqu’à donner leurs cheveux pour cette même Pachamama… Après avoir visité la fameuse mine toujours en activité – explosion de dynamite en sus – nous nous sommes tous dirigés vers la Cité blanche du nom de Sucre.

Bolivie.png-5
Miniers

 

La cuisine, les lits confortables, les douches chaudes et la table de ping-pong de notre auberge auront constitué pour nous un parfait petit antre de paix… Antre de paix que nous allions troubler à la suite d’une autre soirée mémorable qui prit place cette fois-ci dans un karaoké. Ignorant alors la norme bolivienne du « je prends le micro et les autres s’assoient et m’écoutent », notre chorale dansante ayant pour seul chef d’orchestre le très grand Rhumanoff aura pris une place que certains rabat-joies diront trop importante dans l’espace physique et sonore de l’endroit. Après un retour à l’auberge qui se révéla laborieux malgré les 200 mètres qui la séparaient du bar, ainsi qu’une bonne nuit de sommeil, nous étions fins prêts à préparer notre prochaine destination; le parc national de Torotoro.

Sucré
Sucre

Cette fois-ci, notre 5e couple de Français préféré aura réellement eu raison de se plaindre puisque pour se rendre à Torotoro, il fallut d’abord se rendre à Cochabamba en bus de nuit pour ensuite, vers les 4-5h du matin, trouver une camionnette qui prendrait encore 5h pour se rendre au village. Épuisés, le sommeil demeurait cependant un état complexe à atteindre étant donné l’inconfort du moyen de transport et la sinuosité du chemin non-pavé (évidemment). C’est donc totalement exténués et/ou courbaturés (commotionnés dans certains cas) que nous avons atteint le village de Torotoro. Une visite guidée d’un secteur du parc nous permit d’observer de merveilleuses, voir douteuses, empreintes de pattes de dinosaures et de pénétrer à l’intérieur d’une grande grotte naturelle. On serait tous très contents du beau dépassement de soi dont Albane a fait preuve en entrant dans la grotte si le retard qu’elle a causé au groupe n’avait pas fait en sorte qu’on se retrouve au milieu d’un orage sur le chemin du retour!

Bolivie.png-8
Torotoro et les traces de dinosaures

Notre grande aventure au sein du pays de gitans se poursuivit ensuite dans la jungle de Rurrenabaque. Une fois de plus, notre arrivée aux très petites heures du matin nous força à parcourir les rues assombries du petit village. Les cernes aux yeux, notre fièvre marchande n’en fut cependant pas diminuée et c’est après avoir réveillé un 4e propriétaire d’auberge qu’on se vit offrir un logement correct à un prix décent. Sans perdre de temps, nous avons trouvé une agence, acheté du chasse-moustique, entamé la médication contre la malaria et nous sommes partis pour trois jours dans la selva (jungle) amazonienne. Outre les fourmis de feu nous mordant la peau et les moustiques nous harcelant à nous rendre fous, nous avons également eu la chance d’observer boas, tarentules, escargots géants, singes, bébés alligators, chauves-souris, perroquets et de traquer un jaguar à l’aide de son cri et des traces qu’il laissait dans la boue.

Bolivie.png-6
Tarentule, Boa non constricteur et trace de Jaguar dans la jungle bolivienne…

Le tout était sincèrement impressionnant, sans compter la végétation luxuriante à travers laquelle il aurait été aisé de se perdre sans notre guide expérimenté… c’est d’ailleurs peut-être le fait de confondre « guide » et « cuisinier » expérimenté qui amena Marc et Albane à suivre le dit cuisinier au lieu du dit guide et ce afin d’emprunter un petit raccourci. Nos deux Français et le cuisinier bien évidemment perdus au bout de cinq minutes et incapables de retrouver  le reste du groupe, le guide choisit de les appeler et, par le fait même, de faire fuir les animaux du secteur… il s’agissait effectivement d’un choix controversé au sein du groupe. Bref, les Français retrouvés, nous avons naturellement pris avec eux le chemin pour notre ultime cité bolivienne : La Paz!

Bolivie.png-7
Jungle bolivienne

Nos cinq jours dans la capitale la plus élevée au-dessus du niveau de la mer, nous les avons surtout passés au 16e étage du très bel appartement en plein centre-ville que nous avons loué. Très vite cet appartement devint notre chez nous (on l’a foutu en bordel) et on s’y est cuisiné d’excellents déjeuners [petits-déjeuners] et des soupers [diners] copieux et consistants. Malheureusement, ces repas exquis ne faisaient pas long feu dans notre estomac puisque les symptômes du médicament contre la malaria commençaient à se faire sentir… Par ailleurs, en dehors de la vue de notre appartement nous avons également vu un match de soccer [foot] d’une des deux équipes de la ville : The [Ze] Strongest ! Le spectacle offert par le niveau de jeu médiocre fut toutefois compensé par l’intervention policière en fin de partie dans le but de calmer la foule, excitée par deux cartons rouges, à l’aide de matraques et gaz lacrymogènes.

La Paz
La Paz

C’est donc en quittant La Paz que devait s’achever notre aventure de gitans avec Marc et Albane. Comme on dit, il faut parfois se quitter pour mieux se retrouver – ce qui arrivera bientôt, on l’espère. Que notre prochaine rencontre ait lieu dans un autre endroit ou un autre temps, nous aurons le même plaisir à passer du bon temps avec vous, car comme l’a dit une célèbre chanteuse québécoise ayant marqué notre rencontre : On ne change pas…

À la prochaine, plein d’amour et finalement : Tape dans l’fond, j’suis pas ta mère!

 

 

 

 

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